


A Thorny Situation

by CrabbyMaiden



Category: Bittybones - Fandom, Undertale (Video Game), underfell (fandom)
Genre: 'Flowey' Behavior, Alternate Universe - Bittybones (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Author Is Making Shit Up As She Goes, Bitty Fighting, Drabble, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Shitty Puns, Slice of Life, This is mostly a comedy with a healthy dose of 'shitshow' on the side, Violence, Writer Crab Hijinks, Your Best Friend Is A Salty Motherfucker, jk apparently reader is the bigfoot and sans is the redneck looking for you, moderate burn? it's not a flash fire at least, no beta here just an idiot, nothing actually happens though, sans is like bigfoot: blink and you miss him, shitty haikus, when you're trying to get cats and dogs to get along but they're magical flowers and skeletons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:07:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27445348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrabbyMaiden/pseuds/CrabbyMaiden
Summary: You were the proud friend of a Thorny: a grumpy, bastard of a flower bitty that hated literally everything but his 'bestie'.He was the proud owner of a Cherry: an anxious, but bitey skeleton bitty that acted a hell of a lot tougher than he actually was.Oh... This was going to go swimmingly.[Each chapter will have 10 drabbles and each drabble should have about 100 words, though it varies depending on what program it's pasted in ಠ_ಠ]
Relationships: Sans (Underfell)/Reader
Comments: 83
Kudos: 261





	1. Meet: Buttercup

**Author's Note:**

> [Kharons_End](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kharons_End/pseuds/Kharons_End) and [Damn_Son](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Damn_Son). You two know what you did.
> 
> Just to clarify a couple of things before we jump right in:
> 
>  **Edgy, Boss, Grimby, and other Underfell related bitties will not be present in this fic.** Why? Because this AU is technically set in Underfell, therefore it'd be a little weird for those specific bitties to be running around as more or less direct copies of the big fellas, don'tcha think? ◉_◉
> 
> On top of that, I'd like to make it clear that while some of the bitties may share names with more popular archetypes, they will very likely function differently as I actually know next to nothing about this AU lmao. I'll be making things up as I go along, so if it doesn't line up with what you're used to, that's okay! We're just here to have fun anyways~
> 
> Without further ado... Please enjoy ✿

  
  
You felt you were doing fine in life: you had a decent job, lived in a nice duplex... The works. Sure, you were a bit of a recluse, but hey, you minded your own business and paid your taxes, so who cared?

The answer was you. You cared. Because as hard as you worked, it didn't stop the loneliness from creeping in at night when you came home from work to dead silence. Your friends suggested hobbies. Gardening, knitting, aerobics, and such.

But you wanted a _companion_ to fill the silence.

And that was how you found _'Itsy Bitsy Bitties'._

***

If you were being perfectly honest, you had only gone there with the intention of window shopping. You didn't know the first goddamn thing about bitties, and the playpens full of skeletons and spiders and little fire-people was overwhelming, to say the least.

"The Blossom line is popular lately," the bunny sales associate remarked as they walked you over to the flowers-with-faces section. "Lackadaisies are very beginner friendly."

They never commented on the cage tucked off to the side, far away from all the others and partially covered by a blanket near the counter with a _'Do Not Touch'_ sign.

***

"Pansies are good as well, very self conscious, but-"

"Oh, now isn't _that_ something," a raspy voice snarked, interrupting them. "Another garbage human looking to adopt worthless _trash_."

You stared at the dull, yellow flower that spoke from the cage.

It stared back, its hollow eyes glowing with pinpricks of light and its smile twisted into something that could only be described as 'demonic'. 

"Let me show you the Rose Buddies instead," the sales associate said, visibly sweating as they dragged you towards a group of pink blossom bitties.

You pointed right at the little bastard. "I'll take that one."

***

There was a pause of silence as everybody processed the sudden words that came out of your mouth. Including you, because you sure as fuck didn't expect to say that.

It blinked at you in surprise, then hissed, " _Excuse me!?_ "

"That's a Thorny. Don't pay him any mind: look at how well mannered these Rose Buddies can be! They're quite friendly," the bunny hurriedly told you.

You let them manhandle you towards the rose-like bitties, all of which were giving you polite, but eager smiles. As they chatted you up, you occasionally cast glances back at the lone, glowering flower.

***

When all was said and done and you were asked which 'new friend' had caught your eye, you said, "I want to know about the Thorny, please."

"They're from the new line of Blossom Bitties," you were told in a quiet hush. "Most are returned because they're so... Prickly. They're _not_ good for first time bitty owners. That's the only one we have in stock because..."

Undeterred, you waited for the bunny Monster to finish their sentence.

"He... Doesn't like other bitties. He has to be kept separate."

"That shouldn't be a problem since I only plan to have one."

***

They continued to halfheartedly try to convince you to get a Rose Bud. Maybe even a Papy! Did you know Baby Blues are the most popular bitty because they're so gosh darn _cuuuuuute?_

You still insisted that you wanted the flower that was calling you every insult under the sun.

Maybe it was the fact he was trying _so_ hard to scare you off. Maybe it was a stroke of pure, dimwitted whimsy. Or pity. Whatever it was, something told you to stick to your guns as the employee _finally_ caved and helped you gather the necessary supplies for him.

***

The only thing that made you stop and think twice about adopting the bastard was the _bill_. You wouldn't have thought that magic dirt and extra durable flower pots would cost so goddamn much, but it did, and oh boy you felt the doubt creeping in as the price only got higher.

"I'm going to _bankrupt_ you," the flower screeched the moment he caught onto your hesitance. "Financially _corrupt_ you! I'll _ruin_ everything you know and love!"

"Are you _sure_ about this?" the employee asked as they cringed while all the other customers stared.

You handed them your credit card.

***

When the cash register was done beating the shit out of your finances, the bunny donned a pair of thick, heavy duty gloves and plucked a plastic carrier out from underneath the counter. You followed them to the cage and knelt down in front of it as the Thorny ducked behind the cover with a hiss.

"What's up, Buttercup?" you hummed and gently moved the sheet aside so you could see him better. "Looks like you'll be coming home with me."

" _Fuck you_ ," he spat and you could see thick vines covered in razor sharp thorns coil around him defensively.

***

It took some finagling for the employee to get the Thorny out. Each time they'd try to grab him, he'd slap their hands away with the vines. It was only when he was completely cornered when they managed to grab him and use their free hand to uproot him before transferring him over.

"I'm going to _kill_ you," he snapped at you as he was settled into the carrier.

Oddly enough, it made you feel a bit more determined. Everybody seemed so nervous with him, so maybe he just needed a bit of tender love and care. 

"Sure thing, Buttercup."

***

By the time you left the shelter with your arms overloaded with bags, your new Thorny - now actually named Buttercup - fell into silence. Hanging his head as you began the trek home. You felt a pang of guilt, but the pamphlets and books on his bitty type made you confident that _maybe_ you could make him the happiest motherfucking flower in New Newest Ebott.

When you made it to your quaint little duplex, he tipped his head to side-eye you. "You'll take me back in a week."

His voice sounded so resigned.

You promised yourself you wouldn't take him back.


	2. Befriending Buttercup: Pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first few chapters will be establishing the relationship with Buttercup, so there will be small jumps in time as we go along. Sans will be entering the scene within a couple chapters though~

  
  
Buttercup was a beautiful flower.

With an emerald green stem, munsell yellow petals, and ruby red thorns, he struck a pretty picture. Until he'd turn to glower at you with an expression that would scare the hooves off Satan himself. 

The first day of him being with you was certainly interesting. From fits of rage fueled screeching, lashing vines, and vicious bites, he definitely made it clear that he wasn't _fond_ of his new living arrangements in the slightest.

But when he'd suddenly go silent and hang his head tiredly, you couldn't help but feel sorry for the little guy.

***

_‘Blossom Bitties are excellent choices for those who do not have an active lifestyle, but still wish for the companionship that only a Bitty can fulfill! From Pansies to Rose Buddies to Lackadaisies, this guide will help you to make your home a petal-friendly paradise!_

You thumbed through the table of contents as you searched for the section for a 'Thorny'... The only thing you _could_ find was a blurb in the 'Other' segment.

_‘Some Blossom Bitties are experimental, such as the discontinued Trapper and Thorny breeds. Due to their aggressive natures, they're typically not found in standard adoption centers.’_

***

None of your books had a section dedicated to the grumpy bastard that was now your housemate, and the only times you _did_ find information on him, it was to say that he was pissy. Something you were well acquainted with when you set him up with his pot of magic dirt as he bit the ever loving shit out of you.

It was a head scratcher. As far as you understood from the books, most Blossom Bitties required the same thing: lots of sun, moderate amounts of water... Easy peasy.

He just required extreme amounts of patience as well. 

***

On day three, you had come home from work and found the majority of your living room was in shambles. The bitty's vines were extended from his pot's perch in the window sill, and you could see that his face was twisted into a malicious expression.

When he noticed you, he grinned mockingly. "Oops! I'm sorry. It was an _accident_."

Your first instinct was to be mad, but you managed to reel in your frustration with a sigh and hung your purse up. _Be patient..._

He looked surprised when you set to cleaning it up with a quiet, "It's okay."

***

On the fifth day, you discovered the internet wasn't all that helpful either as you browsed forums while Buttercup moped in his flower pot.

**From: bbybleulver**

**does anybdy remember the thorn bitties??**

**From: aMamaBitty98**

**Yeah, those aggressive ones?**

**From: lostinthought**

**The adoption agency I worked at had to put ours down because they kept Dusting the other bitties. Idk why they were released to the public because they** **_always_** **got returned. They're banned in most places.**

You frowned, though you could understand why they were banned as you recalled the way he had destroyed your living room with vindictive glee.

***

When you combed through the forums more, you only found more and more threads complaining about how _mean_ a Thorny could be. From the looks of things, most people returned them when the bitty would attack them and they would be 'put down' for being too aggressive.

You chewed your lip and watched Buttercup shred a plush toy you had set beside him.

He was _so certain_ that you were going to return him, but each time he lashed out, you only felt bad for him. You hoped he'd understand that really, all you wanted was to be his friend. 

***

It was day six where you got tired of him chucking his fertilization pellets back at you each time you'd try to water him.

"What can I do to make you more comfortable?"

"Hm. _Fuck off_ ," he cackled in response. "Do you really think there's anything that can make me feel better about being stuck with a pitiful, worthless meatsack like _you_?"

"I don't know," you responded honestly. "Would you tell me if there was?"

That made him stutter to a halt, his expression twisted in confusion.

Eventually, he told you he preferred actual Monster food over the bland pellets.

***

"Hey, do you like... 'Cinanananimon Bunnies'?" you called over to your housemate later that day.

"It's 'cinnamon', _dumbass_ ," Buttercup retorted and he dragged his gaze away from the window to glare at you. "I don't know. What do your _care pamphlets_ say?"

"Nothing-" You threw your hands into the air and accidentally chucked the package you were holding. 

There was a _tiny_ snort of amusement as he watched you fumble to catch it and once you had it, you pulled a sugary bun free.

"Wanna try one?"

A vine swiped it from your hand the moment you finished your sentence.

***

When day seven rolled around, you had discovered that Buttercup liked sweet and savory foods, he preferred room temperature water, and wanted sunlight whenever the hell he felt like having sunlight. By that point, he had run out of insults to call you, but he made up for it with murderous stares and slaps that would leave your skin stinging for hours.

It felt like you were making progress though - the more you were around the hellion, the more you learned what made him tick. You knew it was going to be an ongoing process, but progress was progress, right?

***

"Why haven't you taken me back yet?"

The words were sudden and sharp, cutting through your nightly routine like a knife. It made you stop and blink at him owlishly.

You weren't sure what it was about the little flower that made you want the best for him. Nothing involving him had been _easy,_ but you kept true to your personal promise - even when he did his best to make your life miserable. 

"You seemed like you needed a friend," you said without thinking.

He scoffed derisively, but the way he didn't snap back made you hope that he agreed.


	3. Befriending Buttercup: Pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Violence, general Flowey-esque behavior, self-loathing/depressive moments, attempted sexual assault (NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENS).
> 
> This chapter does have skips in time, though they're directly mentioned in their segments when it does happen. Apologies if things come off _too_ rushed though! Someday, I will find a perfect balance ಥ_ಥ

  
  
"So. What made an idiot like _you_ decide to adopt a sentient pet that can kill you in your sleep?"

It had been two weeks since Buttercup was brought home. Things were still rocky, of course, but he was _graaaadually_ coming to terms with the fact you weren't giving up on being friends any time soon.

You stopped chopping onions and squinted at him with teary eyes as he casually inspected his leaves. "I wouldn't really call you a pet, but I guess I thought it'd be nice to have a companion to come home to."

"Gross. What's for dinner?"

***

Buttercup enjoyed poetry books and watching reality TV shows.

You had taught him how to operate the remote and got him an e-book reader in hopes that they could keep him entertained and prevent him from wrecking more furniture. By some miracle, it actually _worked_ and he focused more of his time on those rather than breaking your stuff. There were still fits here and there, but you were overall happy with the conclusion: especially when you discovered he had taken to writing haikus.

_You're an idiot_

_Go to the grocery store_

_We're out of hot dogs._

You loved them.

***

You fell into a new routine.

Wake up, get slapped for watering Buttercup, make breakfast, share breakfast with half-awake bitty, go to work.

You couldn't help but wonder how he was doing while you were mechanically going through your job. Was he doing okay? Did you leave him enough snacks? He wasn't trying to mix your cleaning supplies again, was he?

When you got home, it was; greet Buttercup, dodge slap, shower, make dinner, watch CSI reruns, get ready for bed, hope Buttercup doesn't murder you in your sleep.

He was still leery, but you were happy with his progress.

***

There were some days where Buttercup genuinely terrified you.

He’d be fine one moment: happily watching chaos go down on his favorite reality show. The next he would use his vines to slingshot himself across the room, his face twisted in fury as his thorny appendages lashed out at you.

" **You really think you're something special, don't you?** " He would mock in a voice that warbled between octaves. " **How long is it going to take for you to** **_break_** **?** "

The lacerations he'd leave behind always made you wonder if you were doing the right thing.

You _had_ to be… Right?

***

Despite the ups and downs, you persevered and made it to week three.

He seemed more tired than anything now. More often than not, you would find him limply hanging his head as he sunbathed in the window sill, uninterested in his usual reading or TV shows. Even his slaps felt half-assed.

"Are you feeling okay?" you asked, afraid that he was getting sick. "I can call a doctor-"

He cut you off with a harsh whisper, " _I’m fine_. Why even _bother_ dealing with me?"

"Because I want to help you, Buttercup. It’s what friends do," you gently told him.

***

_I'll kill you someday_

_I don't know when, where, or how_

_But I swear I will._

You had come to look forward to the post-it notes containing death threats every morning. Which was weird when you stopped to think about it, but in regards to your housemate, you were starting to think "I'll kill you" was just a way for him to say "I appreciate you". 

Maybe? 

Hopefully.

_Pick up some popcorn_

_There's nothing to snack on here_

_I will eat your face_.

You didn't tell him that you were keeping each note in a shoe box under your bed.

***

You were beginning to wonder if Buttercup had ever been shown any form of kindness before.

_I don't understand_

_Why are you so nice to me?_

_I hate you so much._

From how nervous the adoption center's employees acted to the forum posts bashing Thornies, it didn't seem like many people were in favor of him.

_I can't understand_

_You should hate me, but you don't_

_Why are you like this?_

The longer he was with you, the more you wanted to be the person who cared.

_Why won't you hate me?_

_Everybody else hates me._

_Please hate me, damnit._

***

One night, you went out drinking with your friends. You told Buttercup you would be home later than normal and that he shouldn't worry. He scoffed, of course, but didn't seem to mind.

Even when you were out having fun, you still found yourself worrying about the bastard and had a gut feeling that told you something wasn't right... You ended up calling it quits for the night after getting tipsy so you could go check on him. Better safe than sorry, right?

When you had made it to your doorstep, the knife pressed against your back begged to differ.

***

"Don't make a sound," a rough voice said behind you. "Open the door."

It took your tipsy brain a solid thirty seconds to comprehend the order, but when it finally got with the program, you fumbled to obey in stunned silence. The moment you managed to get it unlocked, you were pushed inside and once the door clicked shut, your only frightened, coherent thought was _'oh shit'_.

"Don't fight," the intruder growled as they tugged at the back of your shirt. "If you scream, I'll slit your throat."

From across the room, you heard; " **Oh. Is that** **_so?_** "

_Oooooh shit._

***

That was the night that you discovered Buttercup was protective to an _excessive_ degree.

As soon as the bitty made himself known, thick vines had shot across the room, wrapped around the intruder, and slammed them around like a ragdoll. In fact, you had to get him to _stop_ clobbering them before he murdered them in a fit of rage.

You definitely had a hard time explaining the incident to the police, but thankfully, the creep had been spotted scouting your home earlier that day and 'that was that'.

When you thanked your hero, he just snorted and demanded starfaits. 


	4. Befriending Buttercup: Pt 3

  
  
There was a noticeable shift in Buttercup after 'The Incident'. 

He slapped you less, only doing so when you _really_ annoyed him. He let you pet his petals one (1) time. When you would awkwardly start conversations, he'd humor you a little more - though his responses were still... Interesting, to say the least.

"Do you think these spider donuts are _actually_ made with spiders?"

"I hope so. I like the crunch of spider bitty legs."

He was definitely a murderous little psychopath, but hey, he was finally warming up to you. You could address the 'eating other bitties' thing later.

***

You got a phone call from _'Itsy Bitsy Bitties'_ two months into having Buttercup in your care.

" _Our records show that you purchased a Thorny bitty from us a while ago,_ " the voice drawled on the other side. " _That was an accident. The new hire didn't know any better, really. He wasn't for sale, and we were wondering if you'd be willing to bring him back._ "

It was a surprise, but you politely declined and told them that they could have him back _never_. When they hinted that they _really_ wanted you to bring him back, you kindly hung up.

***

_Overheard the call_

_They wanted me to come back?_

_I'm. Glad? You said 'no'._

The flower bitty avoided looking at you after you found that particular haiku stuck inside the fridge. For once, he didn't question the reasoning behind your action and was content to just accept it for what it was. Though you couldn't help but wonder why you had gotten a call from the 'shelter' _now_ of all times.

Not that it really mattered in the long term. You had no intention of ever giving him up, _especially_ not when you were finally doing something _right_.

***

Time continued its trek forward.

Summer gave way to Fall, and you marked the five month anniversary of bringing Buttercup home on your calendar. The two of you grew more comfortable around each other: he had decidedly taken a chill pill and you didn't think he was going to murder you in your sleep anymore. He didn't mope in the window sill as much, and he had stopped taunting you about returning him to the shelter.

He barely had his emotional (and terrifying) outbursts anymore, and even when one happened, you always caught a regretful glint in his eyes afterwards.

***

The Thorny bitty woke you up one night by wrapping you up in his vines like a cocoon: startling you into consciousness thanks to the thorns jabbing your back. You blinked at him groggily, and he only stared back at you with a blank expression.

"I'm a killer," he deadpanned. "Did you know that? I've Dusted every other bitty I've encountered. I'll kill you too, someday."

You sleepily grumbled, "Just do it before my alarm for work goes off."

He didn't respond. You'd never know if it was because he had nothing to say, or because you fell back asleep.

***

Buttercup began making your lunches for work.

They started off simple. Just sandwiches made from random bits of food that he slapped together. You'd never forget how awful the peanut butter, mayo, and garlic abomination tasted, but you forced yourself to eat every bite. He _tried_ and that's what mattered. It made you happy, even if it was disgusting.

Fortunately, he started finding recipes on the web and stepped up his game. Your coworkers were always jealous of the elaborate bento boxes he'd make you, though you couldn't figure out where he got the damn box in the first place.

***

The first night it started snowing outside, he picked up a fun (and cute) new habit. 

More often than not, he would uproot himself from his dirt and wrap himself up in your hair the moment you got home. He said your head was warmer than a measly pot of dirt, and that it was to get a better view of the TV. You doubted those were the _real_ reasons, especially since you had dumped a buttload of money into getting him a fancy, heated flower pot, but you didn't complain as he took up the role of a headband.

***

The number of options for _pasta_ was daunting sometimes.

You stood there in the noodle aisle of the grocery store. Praying. Hoping to god the one you needed would jump off the shelf and bitch slap you already. Buttercup specifically asked you to pick up rigatoni, but all you were seeing was motherfucking _penne_ and if you grabbed the wrong one again, you were (vaguely) worried he might actually beat you to death with it-

" _dough_ n't think too hard on the _pasta_ bilities there, lady," a gruff timbre chuckled beside you and a skeletal hand plucked up a box of macaroni.

***

You blinked at the stranger that just cracked _puns_ at you, taking in the skeleton Monster's sharp-toothed grin, ruby red eyelights, and fur lined coat with the tact of a toddler. Then eloquently said:

"What?"

He snorted and dropped the macaroni into the basket hooked on his arm. In the fur of his hood, you saw a pair of teeny, cherry red eyes peek out at you. "sorry, i'm _fresca_ out of puns. hope ya have a _pici_ day though."

You just awkwardly gawked after him as he waved you off and sauntered away: leaving you to your fruitless search.

***

"What took _you_ so long?" Buttercup muttered when you finally returned home with your purchases.

You pulled out the box of penne noodles to hold them up like a flimsy shield. He narrowed his eyes at you but remained silent as he waited expectantly for an answer. 

"All I could find was penne, but at least they're tubular this time?"

He let out a huff and swiped the box without further complaint to begin making dinner. 

And that was when you found the newest haiku.

_This is hard to say_

_Thank you for bringing me home_

_You're, somehow, my friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops, blink and you miss it sans encounter-


	5. Mustard Guy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kind comments and kudos! They're truly appreciated <3

  
  
There was a chill that seeped into your bedroom one winter morning that made you want to stay curled up in bed. The munsell, yellow flower on your window sill unfurled his petals, stretching his leaves before he twisted his head to give you an unimpressed stare with his grey toned face. 

"It's going to rain. _Again_ ," Buttercup intoned neutrally, but you could tell from the way thorny vines peeked out of the dirt of his terracotta pot that there was a spike of irritation in his words. "Don't forget your umbrella today."

You smiled at how _domestic_ it was.

***

"I need poppy seeds, turkey, swiss cheese, worcestershire sauce, and dijon mustard," Buttercup told you, though he was also smart enough to write that list down because you were dumb enough to forget. "If you can't find dijon mustard, then spicy brown mustard will suffice."

You nodded along and you had to wonder if you adopted a Thorny or a mother hen. No care pamphlet or online forum prepared you for _this_ once you had finally gotten to a friendship status with the bastard.

" _Wait!_ " You paused on your way out the door and he huffed, "Don't forget your umbrella."

***

Armed with your umbrella, you entered the grocery store expecting a perfectly normal and average experience. 

What you _didn't_ expect was for some asshole to have completely wiped out the mustard section. Honey, dijon, regular, spicy brown: all of it. _Gone_. And you'd be a goner too if you didn't find a solution to this _fast_. 

As you searched the aisles for an employee, you ended up finding something else: the source of your current problem. 

A familiar skeleton bastard with two grocery carts overloaded with every bottle and jar of mustard in the whole goddamn store.

"Oh, you sonuvabitch."

***

As soon as the words tumbled out of your mouth, the skeleton turned to face you, his brows furrowed, but his shark-like mouth bared in an intimidating imitation of a grin. You would have been scared of his narrow eyed stare had you not built up a tolerance by dealing with Buttercup's mood swings.

"eeehh... care repeat that?" he chuckled and scratched his chin. "don't think i heard ya right."

"Are you _really_ gonna be _that_ person and hoard all of the mustard?" you snapped, already imagining your death if you came home empty-handed. "Don't be a dick, you dick."

***

It made him laugh and you watched him dip his hand into the hood of his jacket as if to pat something reassuringly. "must've been hard for a human like you to _mustard_ up the courage to _ketchup_ to me and say somethin', huh?"

The puns almost flew completely over your head, but when you noticed them, you almost threw your jar of poppy seeds at him. "Oh my _god_. You're not funny. Whatever, I just need a jar of dijon."

He placed his hands on his hips and scrutinized you. "i _might_ give ya one... if ya ask _nicely_."

***

You glowered at him and his grin only grew more wicked: his gold tooth shining like an ominous 'fuck you' in the fluorescent light. It made you want to tackle him and you wondered just how much Buttercup was starting to rub off on you.

"Give me the fucking mustard or I'm going to shove my fist so far up your nonexistent ass that people are going to think you're my sock puppet."

_That_ sent him into a fit of hysterical laughter, and he leaned on one of his carts as he tried to recover from your apparent comedic genius.

***

As he wheezed like a dying old man, his hood spoke to you, "J-just say _please_ , you dumb bitch."

You had heard more impressive insults from Buttercup when he was half asleep, so you only gave the fur of his coat a dead eyed stare. "Please give me the fucking mustard or I'm going to shove my fist so far up your nonexistent ass that people are going to think you're my sock puppet."

The skeleton was practically in tears at this point, so you just shoved your hand in his cart, swiped the jar of dijon, and walked off.

***

You were squinting at your options for swiss cheese when something came up and bit your ankle. It startled you more than anything, especially since you had grown accustomed to getting bitch slapped into next century by Buttercup, so all you did was blink down at whatever the fuck just _bit_ you.

A skeleton bitty with cherry red eyelights and a black hoodie glared up at you: shaking like a leaf and ready to burst into tears at any moment.

You looked around, very much confused. "Are you lost?"

"You- you should learn _manners_ ," he squeaked; prepared to bolt away.

  
  


***

You recognized the voice as the one that had come from the other skeleton's hoodie and put two and two together. The asshole had a bitty too? You supposed that wasn't too surprising.

"I said 'please'," you responded and grabbed a package of cheese. "Maybe don't hoard all of the mustard next time."

"eeey, lil buddy, where'd ya go?" you heard the skeleton call out from a few aisles down.

The bitty jumped and gave you another glare before he flipped you off and hurried away. You felt dead inside as you went to pay for your shit and leave.

***

When you got home, Buttercup was more than pleased to see you had found everything on your list. On the other hand, he zeroed in on the bite mark on your ankle like a fucking heat seeking missile and he _stared_ at it for several long moments.

"What happened there?" he asked in a deceptively pleasant voice.

"That? It's no big deal. There was an asshole trying to hog the mustard to himself," you shrugged. "His friend got protective, but I barely noticed it, so whatever, right?"

"Riiight… 'Whatever'. No big deal."

His vines twitched irritably as he made dinner.


	6. We Meet Again, Mustard Guy

  
  
Vines coiled around the back of your skull, and roots threaded through your hair to help Buttercup remain securely perched on top of your head. You sleepily hummed and opened an eye to see if the TV was still on, finding that _Cutthroat Kitchen_ was still playing. Shifting, you propped your elbow on the arm of the couch to keep yourself from flopping over and squishing your bitty.

"You're gonna fuck up your back if you sleep on the couch," he muttered, but he was already dragging a blanket over you.

"Aw, you _do_ care," you murmured.

He scoffed. "Idiot."

***

_Burnt chicken nuggets_

_Are not a well balanced meal_

_How are you not dead?_

You were definitely spoiled by his cooking now, though you were mostly just glad that he had picked up a hobby that didn't involve murdering or beating someone up. Even if he thought you were a terrible cook due to your occasional mishaps or when his haikus questioned your survival skills, it was worth seeing him make so much progress in being sociable. It was months of slow progress finally coming to fruition.

It made you wonder if he would tolerate _other_ people someday as well.

***

Another week had passed, and it was, once again, time for you to hit up the grocery store to gather supplies for Buttercup's concoctions. You wouldn't normally think twice about it, but...

"I'm coming with you."

You had to actually do a double take, and when you saw the bitty was serious, you snorted, "Buttercup, you tried to beat the shit out of the mailman yesterday, you can't come to the store with me. Plus it's snowing. You'll freeze."

His face twisted into a demonic smile, and you think he hoped it would look 'innocent'. "I _promise_ I'll be good."

  
  


***

You had never seen Buttercup so determined to leave the house before. 

He insisted that he wanted to go, _promised_ he would be on his best behavior, swore that he was only curious! It instantly made you suspicious when you considered how the thought of dealing with people made him retch loudly in protest the week before. The only thing that made him give up was the prospect of dealing with the snow, but he certainly wasn't _happy_ about it judging from the way he moodily hissed as you went out the door.

It was weird, but no big deal.

***

When you entered the store, you were bombarded with decorations that reminded you that Christmas was coming soon. Or was it Gyftmas? Was that the same thing as Christmas, but with less 'Christ' and more 'Gyft'? The fuck was a _Gyft_ anyways? You needed to do more research on that.

Buttercup didn't seem terribly interested in the holiday himself, but as you looked over the tins of frosted cookies, you wondered if you could put together something special for him. Maybe a cute tree, a few presents-

"eeey, if it ain't the sock puppet lady," a horribly familiar voice snickered.

***

You slowly swiveled your head towards the goddamn mustard hogging skeleton. He was seated on the bench near the front of the store, holding that ballsy little bitty in the cradle of his hands, though you noticed that said bitty was quietly sniffling and trying to hide behind the larger Monster's claws.

"Mustard guy," you greeted neutrally, still very much salty about the whole ordeal.

He guffawed and you decided to forego the cookies to get away from him before he could initiate further conversation with you. The sound of sneakers scuffing on the tile followed you.

"now hol' up!"

***

You did the exact opposite and power walked faster. Nope. You didn't know what he wanted, but you _knew_ you weren't dealing with this. Not today, motherfucker.

Hoping to lose him, or at the very least weird him out, you turned down the aisle that had sanitary items and busied yourself by looking at pads and tampons. A solid thirty seconds later, he came to a stop beside you and scanned over the condoms with a knowing smirk.

"sooo... come here often?" he drawled as the bitty in his hands looked at you like you were Godzilla about to rampage.

***

Instead of answering, you responded with, "Do you live here? It sure as hell seems like it since you're _always_ around."

"nah," he laughed and from the corner of your eye, you could see he was petting the bitty soothingly. "we just show up at the same times."

You shot him a look that screamed _'doubt'_ , but didn't say anything else as you turned on your heel and went about finding the stuff on your list. He continued to dog your steps.

"what's a skeleton gotta do ta get a moment of yer time?" 

"You've taken multiple moments already, asshole."

***

He persisted with his 'mission'. "now, ya seem like a fun lovin' kind of gal-"

That made you whip around to gawk at him.

"You are _not_ trying to pick up chicks at the grocery store," you stated in disbelief.

"i ain't the kind of guy that enjoys heavy liftin'," he winked, though the joke flew over your head. "don't worry, i ain't interested in fuckin' ya. i just thought ya could help me since ya got such a sparklin' personality."

"Get bent."

"see? you're a real _star_. won'tcha at least hear me out?"

You went back to ignoring him.

***

"just one eeeensy weensy favor," the skeleton pleaded as you stuffed mushrooms and carrots in your basket.

"No."

"i just need someone ta help me get my bitty used ta humans," he continued as if you weren't giving him the cold shoulder. "he's real shy."

You shot the crying bitty a _look_. "He bit my ankle."

Oh, he looked _thrilled_ to hear that. "that's why you're the perfect candidate! ya made him step outta his comfort zone."

"You _really_ want me to help socialize your bitty?"

"yeah! i can sweeten the deal for ya too. howzabout a coffee date-"

" _No._ "


	7. The Ups and Downs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify, Buttercup is not the original Flowey! Since this is set in the Underfell AU, the 'original' Flowey would be the friendlier/gentle version, which our bitty buddy is the exact opposite of ⚆ _ ⚆;
> 
> As a 'Thorny', he's also different from the Undertale original: darker in coloration with his red thorns always exposed on his stem and vines, with sharp leaves. The most he has in common with the official Flowey is his charming personality, but as we go along, we'll hopefully get to see the nuances that make Buttercup his own person - if I can convey it well enough! 
> 
> I'm excited to write other bitties too ~~and completely butcher traditional portrayals~~ , but gaaah we gotta get to that part of the story first sdjhffhjd
> 
> Hopefully you're enjoying the story so far~ Thank you all for reading, kudos'ing, and leaving kind comments ♥♥♥

  
  
The skeleton was persistent, you'd give him that much. 

He continued to follow you around the store, relentlessly pestering you to help him with his bitty. You had no idea why the skeevy bastard who couldn't even be bothered to tie his shoes was insisting _you_ help him with the crybaby. Sure, you were able to work with Buttercup's mood swings, but your pure stupidity gave you an advantage there.

Eventually, you gave up, told him you had to pee, and had him hold your basket as you 'secretly' left to just go to the _other_ grocery store in town.

***

By the time you got home, it was late and you found Buttercup with his face pressed up against the window as he waited for you. It would have been cute if you didn't know that he was very likely to go on a 'slap a bitch' spree if you hadn't shown up when you did.

"It takes you so _long_ to go to the store," he complained, though you did catch the hint of relief in his voice. "Maybe I _should_ start going with you in case something happens."

"Oooor I could get you a phone," you offered instead.

***

The ups and downs were still there, even when the two of you fell into routines. Things couldn't always be perfect: that was just asking the impossible. Sometimes his temper would get away from him, or you would get fed up with snappish remarks and burst into tears. You understood that he couldn't help it, and he didn't really fault you for crying, even when he'd weakly make fun of you for it.

_I still don't get it_

_Why are you so nice to me?_

_I don't deserve this_

You knew he'd continue improving - you just needed to support him.

***

The days you didn't have to go to work were the best.

You got to sleep in, sure, but you always enjoyed seeing the subtle way that Buttercup would perk up when he saw you weren't going anywhere. The mornings were spent having idle conversations, and the day would evolve into whatever fit your combined fancy.

Sometimes, you'd binge watch shows together, other times you'd challenge each other to board games. He was a sore loser, but seeing him furiously write a haiku was hilarious.

_You're a fucking cheat_

_That's not how you play Jenga_

_I will kick your ass._

***

Buttercup would occasionally get nightmares.

You only noticed when he had moved from sleeping in the living room to sleeping in your bedroom. His petals would be curled around his face - the tell-tale sign that he was asleep - but his vines would be moving on their own accord. They'd lash, thrash, and crack through the air like whips, attacking invisible enemies while he would mutter about 'doctors' and 'pits' under his breath.

You tried to wake him up once: you ended up needing 13 stitches in your arm.

He quietly told you to just hide the next time it happened.

***

You started decorating for Christ-Gyft-mas. 

Sure, you still had no idea what the difference between the two holidays was, but it was the thought that count! Buttercup watched you with a bored expression the entire time, unwilling to help you out, but ready in case you toppled off your stepping stool. It was like having a grandpa in flower form: grumpily sitting in his flower pot as the 'grandkid' made a mess of the house.

"I'm excited," you told him as Christmas music played over the radio.

"I'm dying," he said after _'Frosty the Snowman'_ came on the sixtieth time.

***

"Are you _sure_ you don't want me to come with you?" Buttercup asked the next time you had to go to the store.

"I'm gonna try out the new one across town," you responded easily and zipped yourself up. "I don't know if they allow bitties, so not this time."

His vines twitched like he wanted to protest, but he eventually nodded and relented. You waved at him cheerily, knowing that he was just being a worry wart in his own, pissy way.

The new store was decidedly mustard guy free, so you counted your trip as an overall win.

***

" _We never see you around anymore,_ " your friend's voice whined through the phone you were balancing between your chin and shoulder. " _I was starting to think you were tryin' to ghost us._ "

You cast a glance towards Buttercup as you mixed up the cookie dough ingredients. "Sorry, things have been hectic. I got a new roommate too."

" _Shit, really? In that tiny duplex? If you were strugglin', you could've asked for help._ "

"Naaah, I'm fine. Just needed a change of pace."

" _If you say so... Anyways. Are you coming over for Gyftmas? We're hosting this year._ "

"I'll ask my roommate!"

***

"You want me to go to a Gyftmas party."

You used an ice cream scoop to put the cookie dough on the sheet in even lumps. Buttercup gave you a deadpan stare as you pointedly avoided looking him in the eye.

"Yeees?"

That made him roll his eyes. "Oh _yes_. Bringing your pet Thorny-"

"' _Friend_ ', not 'pet'."

"-That's anti-social and violent to a social gathering. I don't see how this could go wrong."

He had a point, but you weren't going to tell him that. "It'll be good for you to meet new people, and I trust them!"

"Hmm... _No_."

***

The conversation only confirmed that there was _some_ odd reason that Buttercup wanted to go to the store and you couldn't figure out what it was for the life of you. If it wasn't for the snow and freezing weather outside, you'd definitely have a harder time with getting the grumpy bitty to stay home.

Either way, you texted your friend that your 'roommate' was a 'maybe' and promised them you'd bring a cheese board if you showed up. You were hopeful that he'd be willing to socialize with them by then, but knew better than to get _too_ excited.


	8. Wine Not

  
  
It was just a regular day. 

A light dusting of snow outside. Christmas music playing over the store's sound system. There was a special on eggnog flavored ice cream and you were trying to figure out if it was boozy or not.

Things were going great!

Until you were greeted with the sound of sneakers scuffing on tiles as someone approached you from the side.

"eeey, if it ain't lil miss ditcher."

Once again, you found yourself slowly turning your head to glower at the grinning mustard hogger. His bitty glared at you from his hood.

"Mustard Guy," you growled.

***

You stuffed the maybe-boozy ice cream back in the case and turned to power walk away from the situation: fully prepared to just ditch your cart entirely. When you turned around, the skeleton was somehow in front of you and you let out a startled yelp as you tumbled backward into the coolers.

"whoops, did i scare ya outta your skin?" he chuckled, drawing a small snicker from the bitty hiding in the fluff of his hood. "my bad. just, heh. ya tend ta _ditch_ people if they're not careful."

You gulped thickly and unwittingly blurted, "Are you stalking me?"

***

His cocky grin dropped instantly and he took several steps back as his red eyelights shrank into panicked pinpricks. Holding his hands up in surrender, he laughed nervously and said, "whaaa?? nah- no. _no_. i ain't stalkin'- are ya _crazy_? why would i stalk _you_?"

"I don't know, why _are_ you stalking me?" you accused, seizing the chance to make the weirdo back off by spouting nonsense. "Are you after my purse or my puss? _Which is it?_ "

"what the fuck- _neither_! holy shit," he snorted incredulously, though his head looked around to make sure nobody was watching. "calm down."

***

Not taking your eyes off him, you grabbed your buggy and moved it so it was in between you both. "Yeah that's what they all say, then the next thing I know, I'm locked up in some sex dungeon in the middle of goddamn nowhere being starved to death."

" _jesus_." You could see his shoulders were quivering with barely restrained laughter. "that's a lil fucked up, lady."

"I'm not taking any chances, bucko."

He snickered, but kept his hands held up in a placating manner. "i promise i ain't gonna swipe ya. too much work for a lazybones like me."

***

You doubted that the motherfucker _could_ swipe you. He was a solid head shorter than you and you knew that you had a good set of lungs that would alert the entire store if needed. No, you just wanted to spook the jackass into leaving you alone and you'd start speaking in _tongues_ if you had to.

When you opened your mouth to spit a retort, his bitey bitty gave a watery sniffle that immediately drew his attention away from you. He plucked the little fella out of his hood and rumbled out reassurances to him that gave _you_ whiplash.

***

Mustard Guy cradled the little bitty like he was the most precious thing in the world, rubbing his thumbs soothingly against his back as the tiny skeleton wheezed and hiccuped in what you assumed was a panic attack. It made you pause and glance between the two as you debated ditching them again.

"s'alright, buddy," he crooned. "the human's just playin' 'round, no need to get all worked up."

"W-we- we're going to get- to get in trouble," the bitty gasped out between his cries. "We sh-should go."

You felt more awkward as the seconds ticked by. " _I_ should go."

***

You started to back up, not taking your eyes off the duo for a second as you plotted your escape.

Which is why when you blinked and they were _gone_ , you about lost your goddamn mind like a dog that just got bamboozled by a tennis ball. "What the fuck-"

"nah-uh-uh, ya ain't ditchin' us again so soon, human," the skeleton's voice said behind you. 

You jolted and kicked your cart by accident, sending it flying down the aisle and straight into a display of wine bottles. The three of you stared in horror as it wobbled, then collapsed.

**_CRSSSSSHHHH!_ **

***

There was a terrible beat of silence as the dark red wine spread across the tile like a pool of blood at a crime scene. Customers and employees alike stared at the disaster, the cart, then the two obvious culprits. 

You were frozen in a Velociraptor pose with a face that looked like you sucked the dick of a lemon.

A manager came around the corner, red-faced and furious. "You-"

You didn't get to hear the rest of his sentence as Mustard Guy suddenly grabbed your wrist and the world went dark around you.

When light returned, you instantly vomited.

***

"ah shit-" 

Mustard Guy jumped back as you spilled the contents of your stomach onto the concrete and you distantly thought _what the actual fuck?_ The frigid night air bit at your cheeks and your vision swirled as you blearily gaped at the alleyway you were in. _Somehow_.

_What the fuck just happened!?_

"deeep breaths," he coaxed, and you weren't sure if he was talking to you or the bitty. "hate ta _wine_ , but i think we may have broke some poor bastard's _spirits_ back there. maybe, heh. don't go back ta that store?"

You spat and snapped, "You _think!?_ "

***

After you ripped him a new asshole, the skeleton eventually explained that he more or less teleported you both to the other side of town.

"i panicked," he muttered and his bitty looked like he wholeheartedly agreed.

Ignoring the fact he defied the laws of physics and _teleported you_ , you chewed him out more and stomped your way to the grocery store you normally went to. Resigned to the fact that he ruined the new one for you.

He followed behind you like a lost puppy, still determined to pester you for some fucking reason.

"so... howzabout that coffee date?"

**Author's Note:**

> I also run a discord server for writing/creativity, so if you're interested in joining, please see [my profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrabbyMaiden/profile) for more details! <3


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